This week I’m trying something new. Here’s a short(ish) story I wrote. I think of these types of scenarios all the time, big what-ifs. I then torture my wife with it to see if it’s sufficiently interesting. She’s out of town; maybe I should have waited.
Enjoy.
“Um, would you run that one by me one more time?” Chuck could feel his mouth sag somewhat as he said it. Slack jawed he listened as Skinny Man cleared his throat.
“Like we said,” Skinny began again. “We need your help with a question. Sort of like the kind you guys in HR always come up with, right? We figured you’d know a good way to answer it,” Skinny Man loosened his tie a little more. Sweaty Man removed his jacket when he came in Chuck’s office and tossed it on the sofa against the back wall. Now he just paced constantly and stared out the window.
“So…” Chuck said, stretching it out till it became another question. “It’s an HR type question?”
“Yeah,” Skinny agreed, happy to grab onto something positive. “Like one of those Myers Briggs things. Real corporate assessment type questions you get when you’re in a tough interview.”
Sweaty Man chuckled softly but said nothing.
“Ok,” Chuck nodded a couple of times and tilted his head slightly, urging Skinny to continue
“Right,” Skinny looked down at his notes, cleared his throat, and began. “You’re the CEO of a large weapons firm and there’s an island.”
“I’m on the island?” Chuck interrupted.
“What?” Skinny looked up, at first it Chuck thought he saw panic and then puzzlement. “Does it matter?”
“Character and setting always matter. Setting affects the character and influences the outcome. If I’m the CEO and there is an island I’m either on the island or the island represents some decision I must make.” Sweaty squinted in confusion while Skinny looked down again at his notes.
“You’re on the island.”
“Ok,” Chuck leaned back into his chair and waved Skinny to continue.
“You’re on the island and there’s a demonstration of a new product. You and the board are there to evaluate a prototype, determine if the company should spend capital to produce it.”
“Is this a money question then?” asked Chuck, spreading his hands. “Cause I’m really not good at the financial side like that.”
“No,” Skinny held up a hand. “It’s not like that. It’s…how about I read the rest.”
“Oh, sure.”
“Thanks,” Skinny let out a slow puff of air, lifted his notebook again and continued. “You’re on the island for a demonstration of a new device that can pinpoint enemy combatants as deep as 50 meters underground.”
“Whoa,” Chuck interjected. “So it’s a bomb then? That probably makes a hell of a hole going down to reach that far.”
Skinny jerked his head up and cocked it slightly and his face became somewhat excited. “Uh, no. Actually this one finds its target, burrows down and detonates to minimize surface destruction. It limits loss of life and infrastructure.” He shift closer and spread his hands wide. “This thing can wipe out a bunker and leave the school standing!”
“Damnit, Casey!” Sweaty suddenly spoke. “Get to the point. We’ve got to go!”
That’s right, Chuck realized. Skinny — err, Casey was an executive assistant. The kid shrank a bit, his shoulders rolling inward slightly. “Of course,” he apologized and picked back up.
“You and the CFO and CTO have just survived the slide show and promotional video. It’s time for the real-world test. On the other side of the island is a simulated village with several small buildings and a school. Below the school playground is a bunker filled with terrorists using the yard as a shield. The test is to send the device in, audibly warning everyone to leave. It digs down and detonates, causing minimal slumping and leveling of structures.”
Chuck listened intently. These kinds of questions always amused him. This one was overly complicated with too many details. They cause distraction from the characters and can muddy the moral quandary. It’d be more effective if they skipped the effects of the device leaving intact the moral quandary. Out of college he worked for a company who wrote personality tests. Chuck spent hours pouring over them, determining how an answer might affect future performance.
“During the test something goes wrong.”
Ah ha! Chuck sat up.
“The device veers off target, or maybe it picks the wrong target…anyway it instead hits an unrelated building.”
“What kind of building?” Chuck asked.
“One of the company buildings sitting nearby. It’s used for other company projects.”
“Are there casualties?”
“Many, but that’s not the problem.”
Chuck sat up again. “I don’t get it. What could be worse than that? Insurance? So you want to know how to handle this from an HR standpoint?”
“Chuck, please,” cried Sweaty. Chuck realized the man’s name was Jones. Jones something. He worked in legal. Chuck processed his paperwork five years ago when still a Director.
“No,” said Casey. “The thing is…the device hit a testing and research lab used to combat bioterrorism.”
Chuck leaned back and looked at Casey. When Casey didn’t speak again he waved him on.
“And…there is a loss of containment. Complete loss of containment actually.” He again paused, looking down at his notes.
“Sooo,” Chuck over at Jones and back to Casey. “Total loss then. You want to know what the CEO should do to the project or the project head?” Neither man said anything so he continued. “I don’t know, really. First I guess you have to determine culpability. Then determine if criminal negligence is a factor, which might lead us to bring in the lawyers, like you Jones.”
“No, no. We need to know what the CEO should do.”
Chuck noticed Jones never stopped sweating and looking at his phone. Looking at Casey he noticed for the first time the man’s shirt appeared wrinkled and dotted with what must be food in several places. He needed a shave.
“About what?”
“The situation. How should he handle it?”
Chuck looked through his spread fingers at the two men, counted to ten as he thought over his options, and said “He should decide if the place needs a pep talk or an ass beating. Give the appropriate speech. Hop a plane back and prepare to meet the press I guess. Someone’s going to notice the loss of life. They have to clean up the damage, pay off the families, and determine if they try again or ditch the project.”
Case and Jones both nodded, Casey making notes while Jones scrolled through his phone and feverishly typed text messages to unknown persons.
Looking up from his notes Casey said, “One more question. What do we do about the island?”
Chuck suddenly remembered the island. That’s right, this was an HR question. He’d given them a CEO answer, but in these questions the setting always has a role. Was this the catch?
“Help me with that. Why put this all on an island? If the island doesn’t matter just word the question differently.”
“Oh the island matters. Didn’t I say that?”
“Yes, but you didn’t say why.”
Casey went from happy to clearly agitated. Jones paused, mid jacket donning. He looked down at Casey and said, “Yeah. Finish it. We need to know what to do about that too.”
Taking a sip from his water bottle, Casey began again. “Well, you see. The destroyed lab held samples of a biological agent…top secret stuff, you know. But, uh…it got out and the island is contaminated. What do we do about the island?”
“That’s a good one,” he exclaimed. “What are my choices?”
“Unlimited. You own the island, or the company does.”
“How deadly is this thing?”
“Very.”
Chuck’s heart beat ticked up a few more beats. He absolutely loved these types of questions. Like the old one about stealing medicine for your sick wife. Or the one about switching the train to a track where it kills only one person rather than five. A CEO had to make hard decisions all the time and this would be one of the hardest. There’s the loss of life already with the lab. Then there’s the loss of property and tangible assets. But the safety of the public is important too. Imagine the PR nightmare if people think there’s a plague coming. No, you try to minimize the impact all the way around. You can’t afford the lawsuits if the company goes down. Minimize the losses on all sides as much as you can.
“Well,” he began slowly. “We want to minimize damage to the company and to its employees first. But we want to assure the public all is safe. Maintain company reputation and stockholder value.” Casey used an old fashioned pen and paper to make his notes. He wrote them down in one of those old school leather bound folios used by executives to maintain official meeting notes. It was then Chuck remembered who Casey was. Casey was Gerald Topher’s assistant, the CEO. It was then Chuck wondered if perhaps Gerald were about to leave the company. Perhaps the outgoing CEO wanted to groom his successor with the types of questions important to a new CEO. Now sure of the point of the question, Chuck pushed on. “And then there’s the public. If there is any danger to them we’d look like real assholes if we don’t do something. BP taught us all that. Can we contain it?”
Casey looked over at Jones who shook his head. “No.”
“Can we destroy it?”
“Not if it gets off the island. The cure was being researched.”
“Then it must remain on the island.” Chuck decided. “It’s a weapons company. I’m sure it has the ability to wipe the island. Burn the island so nothing lives.”
“What about the people on the island?” Jones demanded.
Chuck thrust his hands out “You said the agent was deadly. Aren’t they already dead?”
“Maybe not yet,” mumbled Casey.
“But they will be soon. How painful a death is it? I mean, do you wait till they’re all dead and then burn it up? Does it matter? If it were me I’d rather die quickly. Either way they die and either way the island has to be scrubbed. Besides, in cases like this the CEO would probably be removed anyway. A fall guy gets assigned. That guy’s like the ones picked to run those failed banks in the 2000s. Or the oil executive who picks up after the disaster. Is that what this question is about? Do we need to find a new CEO to handle some crisis?”
“Something like that,” Jones tugged his tie, tightening it around his heavy jowls. “Thank you for your time, Charles. We’ll be back later today to talk some more.”
“We need to roll this out at our 2 PM,” Casey explained as he stood up. “I’ll be back later to brief you on the decisions and ask you for next steps. I’m afraid it’s going to be a late night.” He turned and headed toward the door.
Chuck’s heart began beating faster, this time his body flushed with adrenaline and his breathing became shallow. He felt little pin pricks appear on his scalp as sweat drop formed.
“Jones,” he called out. “What the hell is going on?”
Jones looked at Casey and back to Chuck. “We had to have an official plan of action. With the dissolving of the board there was no one to make the final decision. We had to determine the succession path, know who would be in charge. Once we knew that we just needed to know what to do.”
“Do about what?” Chuck felt the grip of fear, the sense of dread you get right before someone answers your question with one you don’t want to hear.
Neither man spoke. Chuck licked his lips, felt his tongue swell and fill his mouth. Jones seemed to decide he was the one with rank and said, “About the island, Chuck.We have to arrange with the military to drop something on the island since we’re not a weapons company. So you know and can feel better, it’s really the only option.” And with that he left the room.
Casey stood there a moment, aware of the way he’d tricked Chuck, knowing he too would be gone soon. “It wasn’t my idea, but we have so little time. Once Gerald, Kamal, and Sandy all resigned we had to find someone to make the call. We checked the rules. That leaves the Chief Exec of HR as next in line.” Knowing it was inadequate he mumbled,”We’ll be back after the 2 PM.”
The door closed and Chuck sat there motionless, staring at the small statue with the shaking head, dressed in a cape. The plaque read ‘Chuck Dormir, Human Resources’ and beneath it ‘2008 Employee of the Year Bio-Plus Systems Incorporated‘ in tiny letters. He sat there for almost a half hour before reaching for the phone. He needed to call his wife and tell her he’d be late.